Wednesday, April 23, 2008

wonderlust [sic]


my mother made me smile today amid gusts of snot-faced crying when she finally broke through her packaged and prepared advice to tell me something true, she said: she said, after i told her to stop telling me to take everyday as it comes because i have never lived like that & where did it get me she asked, and i said columbia and she said, "you worried about positive things."

"you worried about positive things."

because here i am going crazy over what will i do with my life and how will i pay back my projected $120,000 debt when the only loan available to me has folded and I don't want to live in a box or have to sell myself to the system because i wasn't born with money shooting from my ears. and my problems are so tiny compared to the rest of the world's but when i push them aside to be socially conscious i create a cavity and she said, "you worried about positive things"
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Esi yawns. She looks out at the beginnings of a Saturday night: hookers, suits, bar-hoppers, future fighters, future lovers, the night is awakening work-tired people.

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