the bus goes to the bus stop

i know how to not feel bad again.
i have my jeffrey lewis and
delirious morning hours.

it's springtime.
-
KISSING ON THE MOUTH (joe swanberg): as i watched it, i was alternately loving and loathing the film. a lot of the time i wanted to scream "I GET IT!" stop with the closeups of genitals and toes and hands et cetera, i fucking get it! but then that would be completely erased by an intimate scene, the way in which the "interviews" are voiced over certain images, the lag/jump cuts between sight and sound. nice play with narrative, but camera was a little overbearing mostly because i don't see sex in cinema as particularly shocking & i felt all the crotch shots were meant to shock me. not even. overall though, a good film. not my favourite from him.
-
with my lifetime savings of $3, i went down to tribeca film for the interview and it looks like i am an intern. the funny thing is that i spent $90 on interview clothes only to find the most laidback office atmosphere ever. and my feet now feel like they've been through some hardcore foot-binding because of those heels. why wear heels? i've never understood! but my mother begged me, saying that flats would make me look stumpy. and she was right.

nothing is going my way but i feel like i am on the verge of something.
-
The Day Lady Died
It is 12:20 in New York a Friday
three days after Bastille day, yes
it is 1959 and I go get a shoeshine
because I will get off the 4:19 in Easthampton
at 7:15 and then go straight to dinner
and I don't know the people who will feed me

I walk up the muggy street beginning to sun
and have a hamburger and a malted and buy
an ugly NEW WORLD WRITING to see what the poets
in Ghana are doing these days I go on to the bank
and Miss Stillwagon (first name Linda I once heard)
doesn't even look up my balance for once in her life
and in the GOLDEN GRIFFIN I get a little Verlaine
for Patsy with drawings by Bonnard although I do
think of Hesiod, trans. Richmond Lattimore or
Brendan Behan's new play or Le Balcon or Les Nègres
of Genet, but I don't, I stick with Verlaine
after practically going to sleep with quandariness

and for Mike I just stroll into the PARK LANE
Liquor Store and ask for a bottle of Strega and
then I go back where I came from to 6th Avenue
and the tobacconist in the Ziegfeld Theatre and
casually ask for a carton of Gauloises and a carton
of Picayunes, and a NEW YORK POST with her face on it

and I am sweating a lot by now and thinking of
leaning on the john door in the 5 SPOT
while she whispered a song along the keyboard
to Mal Waldron and everyone and I stopped breathing

-- Frank O'Hara