I recently discovered Hipsters: Whatever We're Too Elitist To Care That You Hate Us!!!, a Facebook group that embodies everything we all hate about hipsters: the fact that they think they are so different when a) they are all the same b) everyone else is like them anyway c) they didn't really discover anything before anyone, they just hopped into the bandwagon and said they'd been there the whole time.
Anyway, the (long) group description, which is worth reading and laughing, reads:
Have you ever been called a hipster and laughed at because of it? Have people ever made fun of your MacBook and love for Teagan and Sara...or Iron and Wine? Are you sick and tired of all the anti-hipster groups on facebook!!?? Well if so whatever the're losers and it is ok to be post modern! (oh please. spell tegan right.)
Just because we were wearing skinny jeans before the Gap brought it to the masses (especially our guys) wear really big sunglasses, and we're vegan doesn't mean we think we're better than you...it just means we are! (because fake glasses, veganism as a fashion statement, and skinny jeans really do make you smarter!)
Don't call us music elitists just because we listen to bands you've never heard of...not to mention we know about music worth listening to before "z100" & your precious "TRL!" (please. you only know about TRL because you spend precious afternoons wishing you too were hugging Jesse McCartney)
And just because you can't find our secret thrift shops and you eat animals after your trips to American Eagle Outfitters doesn't make you better than a Hipster! (we all know about salvation army. beacon's closet is not 'thrift' ... did i discover your secret hide-outs, bitch?)
Who else actually saw Donnie Darko eight times, and owns Freaks and Geeks on DVD! (donnie darko was not that amazing, i can say that because i am able to form an opinion that wasn't spoon-fed to me by pitchfork or any other indie-opinion outlet)
Who else can even stand Beck, Devandra, and Sufjan (...come on NO ONE!)!? (please. everyone loves them. you are not alone, you are not going against the tide ... get over yourself)
Who else can clap their hands and say YEAH!! (all the mindless people, YEAH!)
Who else can appriciate the word "The" like a Hipster! *The Sea and Cake, The Shins, The Go! Team, The New Pornographers, The Stokes, The Decemberists, The Postal Service, The Juan Maclean, The Rapture, The Arcade Fire, The The's!!* (you are 'the suck'. once again EVERYONE is listening to these bands!)
Who else can have a trust fund and be a tortured artist?! (this is a good thing? this proves that hipster-ism is just a fashion trend and not an ACTUAL attempt to do something new or change the status quo)
Who else cried when Urban Outfitters made every little Abercrombie poser want to be scene and emo...but secretly shops there...uh yyeeah shh! (urban outfittets is an over-priced store with mass-produced clothing that has used advertising to make you think it's actually the coolest thing ever)
Who brought back chucks, suspenders, leg warmers, aviators, tights, and "indevidualism!" (please, innovative-ones, bring back correct spelling!)
Who else said they were going to boycott FOX when they cancelled "Arrested Development"...didn't...but are still really pissed!! (hipsters don't care for shit. they only care about being perceived as caring for shit)
Who else can have parents with BMWs and still have holes in their asics! (this one you got right. this here is exactly what it means to be a hipster. fakers...)
Who else can rock a pair of horn-rimmed or Elvis Costello-style glasses and still get layed?! (buddy holly)
Who else has even heard of McSweeney's, Screaming Mimi's, and Death From Above 1979?! (once again, everyone. you are not original. get over yourself.)
Who else can be an "activist," "environmentalist," "Anti-Bush" and a "Nader supporter" without even being registered to vote...well America's gone to shit anyway so whatever! (I still don't understand how this is a good thing. it just means you're a poser. we knew that already)
The more I read, the more I become convinced that this was written by someone making fun of hipsters. Because really, I don't believe anyone is that deluded.
But yes. This is basically why I can't stand hipsters. I used to think 'hipster' meant someone who deliberately went against the tide to force change, not someone who wants to be SEEN as doing that. I am SO ready for the counterculture. I have been ready for a long, long time. I gag at the sight of boys in pants so tight their dicks need to be tucked between their legs (I'd like to see them trying to have kids in the future).
End of the tirade. Steam blown off. Now I can go back to my essay.
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