So I LOVE Jesus Christ. I'm about to write an essay on whether or not he had free will and my brain is buzzing. Did Jesus Christ strike a deal with God to restore himself (and now, Father, glorify thou me in thy own presence with the glory which I had with thee before the world was made)? Then, as his day approached, did he start to regret? Did he want to stay on earth to be with the people he'd come to love? Did he feel that he had no free will because he had 'sold his soul' ? Did he also believe it was all his fault for selling it anyway and therefore recite God's word the way he was meant to?! Perfect character study: his increasing despondency and reclusion, feeling that his actions are not his own and hiding his remorse for the people he came to love on earth. Classic story. Classic pain-of-love story. Just. So. Beautifully. Painted. I am in love with him because of all these things I've (maybe) projected onto him ... this was meant to sound a lot deeper but I've lost my thought process. Jesus is a beautiful, beautiful character whose image has been tainted by those who love him or hate him just because he is Jesus without really reading deeper. I'm happy, happy now and sleepless. Full of tea, full of shit, full of you, full of me ... so happy, happy.
In reading the Bible, I really see how things I was told in my childhood were twisted and misconstrued. Honestly, it makes me want to read the whole Bible so I can think for myself. I say I'm agnostic, but I'm not. I'm not religious even though I do think there is something beyond life. Spirits. I try to tell myself that it's something I can never know and never decide so I'll live my life on my own terms, be a good person on my terms, and if there is life after death, I should be okay. I cannot know anything, so why focus on the afterlife? I'll figure out the here and now and all that ... but these are innate questions I cannot shake. I am not agnostic. I am not religious. I am not spiritual. I am ... a believer. In humanity. I've had this conversation with myself before.
Oh and on a parting note: you are not an atheist because you hate religion. You are an atheist because you do not believe in god. So the Bible cannot 'prove' your atheism.
Sigh, I'm off to write my essay. I finished reading John at 6:06 on the 6th ... hehehe
"My legs are so tired from all this standing still..."
2 comments:
omg... i keep going to all the christian union events at uni even though 1) i'm not in the union 2) i'm not christian! hahahhaha! it's cos Rich, my housemate is part of the union, so he keeps all my flat informed. ahh! d'you think they'll find me out one of these days???????? hehe.
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