crossed-out

i am sitting here and glowing because i've finished the carmex ad and i have a new idea for a short movie that involves:
- a mother trying to buy a dildo on ebay
- a father that is an ex porn star
- and a son that is parading as a 70-year-old woman

isn't it romantic?

and one day i will reclaim the ability to write creatively and write well. but for now i am just getting rid of the things that press against my chest.

also, when i watch a cinematic glorification of the everyday, am i simply being defamiliarized? or am i pining for a suddenly unattainable everyday? self-perpetuating alienation or something to do with negative feedback and defamiliarizing & because it is film you are not inputting your own version of the ideal but pining for that very specific boy in the very specific white t-shirt in the very specific beard, and wasn't that staged? and how can anyone live up to it? and have we broken the filmspace and what does that mean for our reality and our everyday AND I NEED TO WRITE A PAPER OR I'LL DIE (i am trying to resist the academic in me)