advanced screenwriting

ESI
a character that has been boiling inside me for years now. she wasn't always called esi. she was called noah. she was called ellen. she was called hayden. and she is the tobogganeer. she is the one that has risen to fulfilled dreams only to have them burst with disappointment. she is the one who knows hope is futile but dreams the dream in the seconds before the crash. and in her most recent incarnation, she arrives in new york city to chase something that is not here. I JUST CAN'T WRITE HER THE WAY I SEE HER. possibly it's because she was too close to me last semester. and i see now what the immigrant burst-bubble is, this search for freedom that can only manifest itself in the superficial and cosmetic, leaving extra space for the emptiness. and i see now what i say repeatedly, that america cannot give me anything that is unique to this country. and it can, i see, but those things are only felt in the desire to pierce & tattoo myself, the whimsical whim to buzz off most of my hair, purchasing make up for black people (BLACK PEOPLE!), shopping at thrift & vintage shops, very physical! very cosmetic! and they make you feel like you have a hand in this world, every mutilated ear and inked inch of skin, but soon soon you feel that you are still standing still. you feel that you brought all your neuroses with you to these shores. and on these shores you don't have your family and friends and home and backbone. but you can't go home anymore. you are stuck.

and the movie projected before you is basically what you do with that.

i think i see it now.