wanting to be haunted

i witnessed my paranoia/anxiety reach new levels yesterday when, half-asleep, i heard a lady blowing up my air mattress and attempting to steal my laptop, i remembered my father when i was very young saying, "nuo, if you ever wake up in the middle of the night and hear a thief, just pretend to be asleep." so i played asleep for a while until she started to leave, then i wanted to confront her and get my laptop back. but when i tried to raise my head it stubbornly held still like stone, and like a comatose patient i attempted to prove i was alive with movement - but to no avail. and after a steep struggle, i twisted my head towards the door. and only stillness.

only stillness and my messy room.

it happened again when, half-asleep, i was bothered by the crescendoing sound of a concert going on in the quad. some annoying rock star playing some song that began with a c, and i thought to myself, "those idiotic pcp kids!" and i opened my eyes, but they sunk heavily back down and my ears continued to be terrorized with vibrations rising high into my cranium. and i attempted to lift my head to the window to see, but once again, heavy-stone head. and the band seemed to be rising up to my seventh floor window and when i finally raised my head and opened my eyes wide, i found my fan in my eardrum. and its humdrum whirring sounded like the blunt sound of a cheering crowd.

and this is me not on drugs.
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when i write my theses:

ENGLISH
i am really interested in wolfgang iser's the act of reading, i want to study reception/reader studies (whatever it's called). i'm interested in how language becomes habitual & how small changes can be shocking. so starting from some type of collective consciousness (pop songs, mythologiy, nursery rhymes, fairy tales, monomyths...), i want to explore how writers have questioned the limits of literature to really change perception. i think all my authors will be modernists - from woolf to stein. but i am also interested in the impetus for modernism around the world: what wars, what genocides threw reason down from its throne. what quiet apocalypses and screaming dangers caused writers to overthrow & question one of the most innate aspects of life: language.

FILM
i am really interested in film's creation of reality. and how it uses this to control the world's perception of reality. especially in an "information" age when a majority of our information comes from video, when no one will read a long blog post, but will amble happily through photo blogs. yadda yadda. representation & reality.